Sunset...

The night creeps in, colder than it's been in a while, perhaps to emphasise the end of the warm sunshine. A man walks the streets a foreigner in his own land, footsteps echoing in the dark making the emptiness seem limitless. The glowing city lights just a backdrop for theatre. A hulking mass of concrete and steel rises from the street, glowing in the distance with twinkling lights as if to say, "here I have the warm sunshine." The man walks on, a coat for the limitless cold, the sunshine forever a memory, the darkness hiding his disgrace.

Do you see what I see...

It hits me like a brick sometimes, that perfect smile lighting up her delicate eyes. I could drink in the light of her smile for hours. The sunlight playing across her face just makes the moment seem all that more surreal, like something that happens to other people. The day is warming up and her presence makes the room fill with electricity. She has limitless sunshine and a smile that could warm the coldest heart, drowning in a sea of pain and confusion. I look and hope and wonder, if I can build myself to be the pillar she needs me to be. The longer and harder I try the bigger and more complete her belief in me. Fear and self loathing sometimes wash across my soul, my hands and fingers and feet and eyes, heart, mouth, soul begins to ache with the size of it all, yet her smile reassures me I am not only willing but very able. Sometimes all I can think of is escape to spare myself another defeat in the face of the greatest conquest ever known. My shield is broken and my armour torn. My spear lies broken and shattered, covered with my own self righteousness. And all I can think of is what she might think of me in defeat. My one last appeal made, my last card dealt, myself laid bare. I love you, you are my strength, my shield, my armor, for you I will fight on.

Into a grey sky morning

The eerie hum of a giant slumbering city drifts through the crisp night air and the eternal urban glow plays across her face and makes her eyes shine and dance. She chatters away in that contemplative way she does, her voice melting into my head and soothing away the days annoyances and niggles. She always forgets her coat and shivers even though she’s snuggled into my coat and my neck. Her hair tickles my nose, makes me shiver. She thinks I’m cold and suggests we leave. I don’t mind, so long as I’m with her I’ll always feel at home. I ask for one last kiss in the cold glow of this giant slumbering city. She gently presses her lips to mine, smiles and snuggles into my neck once more. I caress her hair and kiss her forehead, “Happy Birthday Babydoll, I love you more than you could ever know.”

Justifed...

The whole world seems to melt away, staring into those eyes. Stillness creeps in all around, the night seeming calmer, quieter, more surreal. It's like being lost in a green sea, slowly drowning, slipping away into oblivion, never to return. Was it always this way? Can it go on forever? Strange and unwlecome reality sets in eventually. Questions, judgements, assumptions settle over bones like a thick ugly life vest, relentlessly keeping you afloat in that deep green sea. Making waves that wash over you, smashing against your skull til you can longer take it and swim to shore, dragging heavy limbs over the cold wet sand. The sky is ever so blue, the wind so cool, the sun so hot, unforgiving eyes cold on your back wishing and willing you to leave, different yet the same but a little more hollow. Did you say, "No this can't happen to me." Or are the actions of others so predictable. Do you believe you can be judged because you don't fit the mould? The ugly world of the disriminatory individual comes crashing down around your ears, just because. And there is no other reasonable explanation.

Life of a loser...

Run boy, RUN!! Running towards the unassuming nothingness we wallow in. Trudging the worn path, driven by love and hate and everything in between. Dancing the steps with the beggars and would be thieves who run ragged and vengeful through the corridors. Futher up and further in, creeping and dodging towards a little point of light through the darkness and madness. So close as to smell the sweet smell of success, yet too far to taste bittersweet victory. What drivel escapes sometimes. The madness keeps me sane and the darkness feeds the anger. I will but conquer what I must.

Cherry Red

The sun slowly climbs over the horizon, a golden ball of purity blinding the helpless and homeless out of a restless slumber. A hint of blue can be seen through the mirror, promising smiles all day. The long lost rain a distant and shallow memory, lost in a haze, the taste and feel of cherry red still lingering on the lips. The most sacred thing two people can do and yet easily dismissed. In all my travels and incarnations of myself, I will always find more about someone in the caress of their lips than any sound that could ever pass by them.

What I may have lost...

"You two were very very well suited," says Mother, and not for the first time. You can almost feel the dissapointment hanging in the air. The seasons come and go along with an occasional electronic dialogue. Snippets of life, condensed into twelve point type and blasted along the wires and signals bouncing around the world wide web. Only the most important things conveyed in as few expressions as possible. Important? Perhaps not. What used to be important is no longer permissable. Those nuances and characteristics that made it all worthwile are no longer a talking point. Things are best left unsaid... Even when there is so much to say, left hanging in space, clanging and banging around the emtpy void. But you know, one day this will all be a laugh. Age and comfort will set in and these little nuances will be lost in the haze as we argue with our children about the use of the car. I can smile at that.